Thursday, September 10, 2009

Warehouse 13

I've been watching Warehouse 13 on SyFi since it started and I really haven't been impressed yet. It seems so dumbed down. I kind of view it as the Sci-fi version of NCIS and CSI. Let's just make crap up and insult everybody with a brain because most people don't have one. They are crime scene investigators, why are they investigating the crimes, interviewing suspects and arresting people! They aren't even cops let alone police detectives! I know people like those shows, as they are doing quite well in the ratings. It is probably just me. But what is the Internet for if not a place to vent.

So on with the venting about Warehouse 13! In the latest one, episode 10, "Breakdown," Claudia Hacks the door keypad by using an "ASCII-Binary-Algorithm?" Okay, even if that made even a little sense, how do you do that by entering numbers into a keypad? Not that you have to bother with that; because, a well placed kick can disable the whole ultra, super security lock on the scary Dark Vault.

What is next? Is somebody going to re-route the encryptions? Divert power through the deflector dish? re-shizzel the fah-shizzel? Please, can these shows get a tech-writer or something? Maybe teach these people that you can't write a program to do anything in 30 seconds by banging on the keyboard no matter how much flashy graphics you have on screen. Maybe if you used the mouse and pretended to click on drop down menus and file menus for 30 seconds I'd beleive you were actually doing something.

Oh and the Dark Vault with it's ultra, super "purple" containment fields because we've never seen a black light before.

Okay on to the acting on the show. I'm fine with the delivering of the lines part. It isn't the greatest acting in the world, but I've seen much worse. What really bothers me is the way they move sometimes, the lack of any effort on the physical acting. Dodging the lighting bolt thing that went down the corridor, they didn't even really get out of the corridor let alone make me think they really were seeking cover. In a previous episode they take cover behind something while somebody is shooting at them, only they aren't really doing a very good job of it with half their bodies still stick out where they could get shot. They looked more like they were just getting more comfortable so they could continue their conversation.

Again in episode 10, at the end where Claudia trying to act like the Silly String is really hard to break wasn't working for me. It could be the Silly String's fault that it drooped and didn't look like it was resisting her slow, agonizing pulls. But then even when Myka and Claudia are struggling not to get pulled into the gears, they arn't really selling it.

You know the one thing that I would have forgiven all the other stuff in that episode for. If Myka had done something like lifted up her shirt, instead of using a broom to knock Peter away from Sylvia Plath's typewriter, and that caused him to snap out of it. Not asking for nudity, just a harmless over the shoulder shot where she lifts up her shirt and a reaction shot from him. Because really, if the broom worked she could have just ran and tackled him away from it in half the time it took for her to run out of the room and find the janitor's closet... assuming it wasn't an evil broom artifact.

Another little annoyance. They put all this emphasis on low-techy-tech, yet have these custom LCD displays for all the artifacts? Modern LCD screens with flashy custom animated graphics and yet the machine that keeps all the artifacts in the warehouse safe is run by a set of big, giant-toothed gears... that nobody thought to put a cover over... even though it they are right under some sort of air vent with space enough for frick'n can of Evil Silly String to fall though?!

I like that they finally vented one of my other fustration issues in episode 7, "Emplosion" by addressing the Gandalf syndrome problem the show has. You know where the brains of the outfit can't simply take the two seconds to explain anything causing things to be way more complicated and difficult than need be. My theory is Marty can't explain anything because even the writers don't even know what is going on. At least we have on-going plotline now and maybe they have mapped some more of the mythos out.

Okay, I'll stop whining now, at least until the toilet Elvis died on shows up as an evil artifact.

See, you last that long through one of my stupid rants you get a decent joke. Admit it you laughed. Don't try and say you didn't. Next time the show comes up in conversation, you know you'll be bringing up the possibility of the evil Elvis killing toilet artifact.


Anonymous said...

At least they didn't say they were going to use Visual Basic to make a Graphical User Interface to find an IP address.

Joseph B. Hewitt IV said...

I'm just waiting for them to retrieve some artifact and have to hire a new artist to draw the animated picture for its LCD label.

Greg said...

You've watched at least seven episodes despite there apparently being nothing good about them? Maybe you should watch less TV?